More random quotes. More can be found on twitter @QuoteAnAsshole.
To a girl at basic training who noticed I hadn't filled my own water source while worrying about my squad:
"Don't worry about me, I will hydrate on your tears."
To a guy at work:
"Let your mom know I am upset with her...for failing mankind."
While in the Emergency Room, the doctor informed me his name was Judson:
"HAHAHAH JUDSON IS NOT A DOCTORS NAME!"
Out the window at a girl wearing the ugliest furry pompom emblazon UGG boots I have ever seen:
"OH MY GOD, YOUR BOOTS ARE SO GROSS, NO WONDER YOU'RE WALKING ALONE!"